Feeling up, feeling down, whatever I'm feeling can't be descried by words.. Can I run away? can I hide? probably many people feel the same, but it feels like this tunnel is cold and empty with no hope of escaping.
A prisoner who can be imprisoned for a cause or a crime, he has to fight for freedom, but the odds of him losing his life are high, and he might get out of prison just to go to his grave. What happens when he die? had death gave him what he wants or did it lead him to a worse place where he face his deeds? What does a person feel when he dies anyways? does it matter whether he lived free or not? What does his soul feel after liberating from our material world? Is freedom an illusion we can never achieve or are we free but carrying around the illusion of not being so?
A dreamer can be trapped in his own dreams, the dreams that make him see the boundaries of reality that people usually don't see. This turns his dreams to a prison with multiple walls that surround him like a huge maze. It's a dreamers gift and curse, but things get worse when he finally starts to lose it, and stops working for his dreams, it's when he calls death or simply waits for it because he thinks it's his way out of this mess. But what can he do when the boundaries are so high and tough that they break his dreams like fragile glass eggs? you can't even have an omelet out of glass eggs.
What's funny about dreams that they seem really close yet far away. You need this initial step to start working for your dreams and you find some big trap in your way, like your parents who might act out of love and fear but they don't know how much they hurt you, or living in a country where society and traditions and norms can kill you. That initial step that you later realize it's not just that big trap, but also other more traps in the way, you can't get a job, you can't real experience, you will face hate because of your race or gender or religion or even just ideas, you can't run away, and people around you have lots of expectations when you know you are nothing but a failure who just wants to die, then you realize death doesn't want you either! Act tough and defend your dreams or you will be a living dead, there is no turning point after spending much time since you were a child over what you've always believed in.
This is when you realize you've been procrastinating, you haven't done much and others are passing your level with an ease just because they are majoring what you've always wanted to study at your college years instead of wasting it on some other area that can be helpful but irrelevant, and you are not getting younger. You remember these words of one of your teachers when you talked to him about your dreams, and how he told you that you are at the very wrong place asking the wrong man. Remember those who also asked you why you were there instead of studying what you really love? All of these ideas flash through your brain after spending almost a year jobless, most of it dying or pretending to be busy while your parents kept making fun of your personality and dreams, and demanding you to do things you don't like to get stuff you don't want or need.
Here goes a year of nothing, wasted on trying to be a masters student for a few month just because your parents said so, and the rest trying to practice and follow up with the others who have already passed your level years ago. You can't find a single job and you can't go anywhere away from your home because you were never used to go out on your own, you know nothing about people or streets, you waste lots of opportunities because of all this shit, and you are chocking on your dreams. You wish you are a normal person who can just blend in with hopes to get a decent well payed job and a perfect spouse chosen by your parents then a couple of perfect kids who will follow your lead, then you realize that this life exactly is what you are fighting against because you want happiness your own way and you want to marry your love, but then you remember you can't even marry the one you love because it's unrequited love that you know it will never be two sided but you can't marry any body else yet you still don't confess to know if it can be two sided because.. it's complicated!
You know your parents want the best for you, they truly love you, but they didn't know they hurt you until they saw actual tears in your eyes. You are trying your best to bring them to your side, and only succeeded to change some of their ideas because they love you. But it still hurts a lot, deep in your worn out numb heart you still can feel the pain. Your soul is bleeding yet you know you can't stop and you have to go on, stopping is death and it's better die running! Don't talk about how your parents hurt you because this will hurt them because then don't mean to and you know it, you hate hurting them. Your siblings are sometimes pain as well, they can mock you and ruin your plans, also can take over your personal space. What is needed is to live alone, marriage is not an option so just try harder on finding a job and save up to buy a small apartment in a far place. Don't worry about people you love because you will be free enough to decide to see or call them whenever you can.
It's all about breaking down these walls you see as a dreamer, without sounding or being arrogant you have to overcome everything and be strong. That initial step you need to take when everybody else have already took it and even went to the second one or the third, that step is your hope to start, it's not to get a job or to study what you love, it's to gain your freedom and break down the walls to the next level. It might sound hard for some, might sound overrated for others, or might sound very childish or innocent that someone is actually facing these kind of problems, but doesn't each one of us have their own battles? My body and brain are already stressed and need rest away from humans, my heart is working on a fortress that might protect it from its weaknesses and fears, and I still have a very long way to go if I wanted to change my life and mold it to what I want. In every prayer, I pray that God would answer my wishes and help me reach my dreams..
A prisoner who can be imprisoned for a cause or a crime, he has to fight for freedom, but the odds of him losing his life are high, and he might get out of prison just to go to his grave. What happens when he die? had death gave him what he wants or did it lead him to a worse place where he face his deeds? What does a person feel when he dies anyways? does it matter whether he lived free or not? What does his soul feel after liberating from our material world? Is freedom an illusion we can never achieve or are we free but carrying around the illusion of not being so?
A dreamer can be trapped in his own dreams, the dreams that make him see the boundaries of reality that people usually don't see. This turns his dreams to a prison with multiple walls that surround him like a huge maze. It's a dreamers gift and curse, but things get worse when he finally starts to lose it, and stops working for his dreams, it's when he calls death or simply waits for it because he thinks it's his way out of this mess. But what can he do when the boundaries are so high and tough that they break his dreams like fragile glass eggs? you can't even have an omelet out of glass eggs.
What's funny about dreams that they seem really close yet far away. You need this initial step to start working for your dreams and you find some big trap in your way, like your parents who might act out of love and fear but they don't know how much they hurt you, or living in a country where society and traditions and norms can kill you. That initial step that you later realize it's not just that big trap, but also other more traps in the way, you can't get a job, you can't real experience, you will face hate because of your race or gender or religion or even just ideas, you can't run away, and people around you have lots of expectations when you know you are nothing but a failure who just wants to die, then you realize death doesn't want you either! Act tough and defend your dreams or you will be a living dead, there is no turning point after spending much time since you were a child over what you've always believed in.
This is when you realize you've been procrastinating, you haven't done much and others are passing your level with an ease just because they are majoring what you've always wanted to study at your college years instead of wasting it on some other area that can be helpful but irrelevant, and you are not getting younger. You remember these words of one of your teachers when you talked to him about your dreams, and how he told you that you are at the very wrong place asking the wrong man. Remember those who also asked you why you were there instead of studying what you really love? All of these ideas flash through your brain after spending almost a year jobless, most of it dying or pretending to be busy while your parents kept making fun of your personality and dreams, and demanding you to do things you don't like to get stuff you don't want or need.
Here goes a year of nothing, wasted on trying to be a masters student for a few month just because your parents said so, and the rest trying to practice and follow up with the others who have already passed your level years ago. You can't find a single job and you can't go anywhere away from your home because you were never used to go out on your own, you know nothing about people or streets, you waste lots of opportunities because of all this shit, and you are chocking on your dreams. You wish you are a normal person who can just blend in with hopes to get a decent well payed job and a perfect spouse chosen by your parents then a couple of perfect kids who will follow your lead, then you realize that this life exactly is what you are fighting against because you want happiness your own way and you want to marry your love, but then you remember you can't even marry the one you love because it's unrequited love that you know it will never be two sided but you can't marry any body else yet you still don't confess to know if it can be two sided because.. it's complicated!
You know your parents want the best for you, they truly love you, but they didn't know they hurt you until they saw actual tears in your eyes. You are trying your best to bring them to your side, and only succeeded to change some of their ideas because they love you. But it still hurts a lot, deep in your worn out numb heart you still can feel the pain. Your soul is bleeding yet you know you can't stop and you have to go on, stopping is death and it's better die running! Don't talk about how your parents hurt you because this will hurt them because then don't mean to and you know it, you hate hurting them. Your siblings are sometimes pain as well, they can mock you and ruin your plans, also can take over your personal space. What is needed is to live alone, marriage is not an option so just try harder on finding a job and save up to buy a small apartment in a far place. Don't worry about people you love because you will be free enough to decide to see or call them whenever you can.
It's all about breaking down these walls you see as a dreamer, without sounding or being arrogant you have to overcome everything and be strong. That initial step you need to take when everybody else have already took it and even went to the second one or the third, that step is your hope to start, it's not to get a job or to study what you love, it's to gain your freedom and break down the walls to the next level. It might sound hard for some, might sound overrated for others, or might sound very childish or innocent that someone is actually facing these kind of problems, but doesn't each one of us have their own battles? My body and brain are already stressed and need rest away from humans, my heart is working on a fortress that might protect it from its weaknesses and fears, and I still have a very long way to go if I wanted to change my life and mold it to what I want. In every prayer, I pray that God would answer my wishes and help me reach my dreams..
